Tuesday, January 6, 2009

i don't like to cry

especially when tears come without thoughts, without explanation or reason.
today they come in waves, washing upon me, then pulling back away.
i feel foolish and ashamed and unprofessional and weak.
a concerned hand upon my shoulder call them back.
anything i can do to help?
no, i doubt it.
well, i'm here for you if there's anything i can do.
but we can't talk them away, there is no issue to resolve or insult or injury to heal.
i feel like my tears are selfish.
they bring compassion and concern from those around me when there's nothing wrong. i wish they could understand that today my tears are like sneezes when you have the flu. but there's no shot to boost emotional immunity. i've come down with a sickness to which they are immune. i do the best i can, take my daily pills, but there are times when this illness will not be denied, no matter how diligent i've been with taking preventative measures.
today is just one of those days, one of the thousands of days in between the crazier times and the stabler times.
it's not a bad day, it's not a scary day. just a day for tears.

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