fire and water

i've learned that my emotions become water when i sleep.

calm, still water. mountain lakes with rope swings. massive water walls of approaching terror. waterfalls. tidal waves. swimming amidst whales, dolphins, sharks. and one of my recurring nightmares, a strange ocean that has two levels - it stretches out for a while, then right in the middle of the ocean is a ledge of water and the rest of the ocean continues on that level. it is terrifyingly unnatural. it seems to be approaching, and brings with it an inescapable finality. my dream water takes so many forms, and each form holds incredible meaning for me upon waking.

i dreamed a new form of water the other night. however unnatural my water dreams may be, they usually occur somewhere out in nature. but this dream was different. i was trapped in a giant complex white concrete reservoir of sterilized water, purified by man's technology, controlled and directed by artificial processes. dazed and blinded, i tried to find my way out of the trap. there were empty white buildings towering on all sides. i felt myself being pulled by the current through the aqueduct, helplessly heading toward some unseen outlet, unable to find a handhold along the endless white concrete edges of the maze.
there was no escape.

this morning, i was among a large gathering of people in the rolling hills, surrounded only by grass and sky and sun. there was music, lovers holding hands, children laughing, hula dancing, relaxing in the sun. in the distance i saw a line of smoke against the sky. the oblivious crowd continued their playful festivities while the horizon darkened. it was up to me to bring them to safety. when i stood upon the crest of the hill, it became clear that the smoke was coming from the city of our origin. it was thick and dense and dark, yet seemed cold, like the mist on a mountaintop. there was no clear path home to safety. yet we had no supplies to sustain us if we journeyed away from the city. i watched as ashes and glowing embers were carried on the wind around our valley. the fire was moving swiftly, much faster than we ever could. terror and chaos began stirring within our hearts as we scrambled up and over the hills, scattering in every direction. the air was filled with smoke and sparks and ashes, yet held an eerie glow, as if light was radiating from the earth. i could see the faces of panic and bewilderment as the flames slowly encircled us. we were powerless against its power.
there was no escape.